Sensitivity
Sometime things become sensitive more than they need to be. Sometimes you shouldnt be sensitive but you still are .. you ask yourself, why am I being so much sensitive .. you get some answers from inside, but eventually you still remain sensitive .. it hurts, being sensitive hurts sometimes, brings depression and take away the confidence …. how ? …
Tonight I went to Oasis bar. There was bollywood DJ playing there. I was dancing with couple of other people for a while. At the dance I noticed a girl, she noticed me. Later I met her at the bar while ordering a drink. The song was of movie “Zindagi mile na dobara”. One of the great movie that shows, life wont come back, make the most of it. Our conversation started with that movie and song. She was an english girl and so it quickly moved away from bollywood movies as she hadnt seen any. But later on, there came a point, when she started dropping hints, like getting closer, told that she is feeling hot and showing off her front in a seductive way, told that she came with her friends, she is single, and many other blah blah blah … this is where the sensitivity hurts… Ya, I hit you up at the bar, but I DONT want to walk home with you tonight, rather I want to know you and if the feelings develop I will probably make a move … but I need that feeling to develop, I need conversation, I need time, may be days, weeks or months … I need time to connect … I cannot connect just like that …. I went back to the DJ floor … this time dancing with myself (I have this liking of dancing with myself) … and after sometime, I see her talking to a totally random guy and walking home with a sardar … she tells her friend (the one she came with) that she is leaving with that guy … she doesnt know him … I dont know what you want to name this one night fling … but it is totally not my thing …
It is not the first time, when it has happened … I have had my share of opportunities before that I dropped purposefully, just because for me emotions, feelings and connections has to write a precursor for anything else to happen. For me sensitiveness for each other has to come first … may be I am looking at wrong pot. Of course I wouldnt find a sensible girl at a bar like that, but there have been incidents before “outside of bar, and inside of normal life”, where “waiting for connection to develop” resulted in “being too late to build a connection”. Whether it was last Christmas, last Summer or last Autume, either I was looking in wrong pool or I crave for being too much of a connection that even woman doesnt seem to care …
The reality is that the world has changed and I still live in fairy tales … It is a nice feeling to be sensitive in fairy tales … but in reality being sensitive hurts and thats the sad part …
Even after knowing this, I know it wouldnt change me a lot … I am genetically engineered to have a need for emotions, and have a need for connection …. and irrespective of how much I try to be insensitive, the subconscious wouldnt approve of it … Sometimes you shouldnt be sensitive but you still remain .. you ask yourself, why am I being so much sensitive when the rest of the world isn’t .. you get some answers from inside, but eventually you still remain sensitive .. it hurts
those4days
